Every Minute of Every Day
Today, for the third time, I considered voluntarily checking myself into a mental institution. That feels like a scary thing to admit, but it's my truth, and I'm trying to stand up in it as best I can without fear of being seen as weak or come across as attention seeking. I'm not suicidal. I have no plans or desires to hurt myself or anyone else. It's actually the exact opposite. I am absolutely terrified of dying or losing someone close to me, and it's making me feel like I'm losing my mind. I think I've reached the stage of grieving where you just want to curl up into a ball in the center of your bed, cover your head, and never, ever come out because the world is scary, and if you could just keep yourself and everyone you love wrapped up in your alternative down duvet forever, you'd never have to face death again. At least not until you pass away peacefully in your sleep, the way nearly everyone hopes to go, but it feels like most rarely do. Th...